“COMING OUT … AGAIN” - ANDREW’S STORY
I try not to think about the time it’s been since I last had a drink because SURPRISE, milestones make me want to celebrate by getting wasted.
These days if I do celebrate it’s getting up early to watch the sun rise at the nuddie beach, behaviour I previously would have said is more the trait of a serial killer. For those playing along at home, I am a privileged 34-year-old white cis gay man living in Darlinghurst, Sydney. A common and often celebrated face of drinking.
I had always been a binge drinker, but by the time I hit my thirties I was drinking every day. Sometimes there was a slight reprieve where I was so hungover I’d completely miss a day because I couldn’t get out of bed.
I hid my drinking well (or so I thought lol). I was still somehow performing at work and could cover up shortcomings because in the words of Tina Fey I have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.
In case you just picked up on my little stolen joke there, I am one of the funny gays.
I love socialising, being with people and helping those I love to talk though their problems. What better place to do this then over a few thousand drinks? Drinking was the only way I really knew how to bond with people. I could always lure someone to the pub with me on a Tuesday night and pretty much force them to stay to the pub closing.
Before I quit drinking, I was being treated for depression and anxiety and had supports in place like anti-depressants, a psychologist and a GP. All roads were leading to one destination, to live past 40 I had to stop drinking. I needed help through medical intervention, so I changed to a LGBTIQA+ friendly GP specializing in alcohol dependency. They ran some bloods and my liver function was that of someone 10 years older.
The anti-depressants give me space to tackle stopping drinking and I also took a medication called Naltrexone under the direction of my GP that I was suitable for. One of the benefits of this drug is that it made alcohol effects useless and was a great mental block for not drinking 4 bottles of wine a night. I was already seeing a psychologist for all the things I mentioned, and it was important that I kept up the appointments there, because upon reflection I was effectively blowing up my life.
People that drink responsibly probably won’t ever understand how hard it is to not drink when you’ve got a problem with it.
Since I quit, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been bought alcoholic drinks by mistake and not brought a soft drink after asking for one. This was done by my closest friends. But I’m definitely not here to throw punches at them after all, I was previously the person most guilty of doing this.
I grieve the friends I’ve lost and continue to lose but its all part of the process in giving up drinking. The friends that survived the lip-sync battle have been great and I couldn’t have stopped drinking without them. But they are not there when you’re walking past a rainbow filled bottle shop under the apartment where I live suggesting I get wasted.
Why our queens Kylie and Gaga would drop an alcohol range in the middle of a pandemic when we know LGBTIQA+ people binge drink more and are drinking more in lockdowns I’ll never know. (I cannot believe I just fired shots at Kylie and Gaga, I’m sorry mammas!). Don’t even get me started on the rainbow vodka. Alcohol is a protected species in so many ways, but it’s the one doing a lot of the killing.
I’m now at this awkward point in my life where I have to come out… AGAIN, this time as sober which is annoying because I’m still recovering from coming out as gay.
The thing I’ve had to do was get good at is telling people why I wasn’t drinking. I kept a mental note of how I answered the various questions I got. I mainly lied heaps (lol) but when I was feeling strong and cheeky I would make eye contact, and say ‘I’m a recovering alcoholic’.
People are shocked to hear this from someone that presents that way I do, but I’m happy to take the hit one person at a time so the bullshit questions non-drinkers get asked hopefully subside. When I am feeling combative, I tell people that are encouraging me to have ‘just one drink’ that they should think of it as telling me to ‘have just one hit of meth’.
Madonna was right when she sang that time goes by, so slowly. I had to get used to beat boredom which means entering the bottom left hand corner of television (French procedural crime dramas lol), HIIT workouts, sober sex (seriously try it, once you get used to it its very good!), offering someone a relationship rose and getting rejected (I don’t recommend this), cooking, dragging your mates out when they’re hungover or knocking on their doors to let you in (if you’re an annoying extrovert like me).
I’m a host for Untoxicated in Sydney and focus on all the uncomfortable things like bouldering and alcohol-free dance parties. I’m doing this because it feels really great to give people space to have a go at socialising without booze.
I’m also secretly hosting Untoxicated events to find a sober boyfriend. *WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE*.
Finally, I also want to say my sobriety has been no miracle, no one is coming to rescue me, and there is no fairytale ending. Being sober is just hard work. I’ve lost 15 kilos, my liver now functions correctly for my age and - most importantly - for the first time ever I see a very bright future for myself.
Come join me.
Andrew is an Untoxicated Sydney host. All applications by potential suitors can be fielded at https://www.instagram.com/addiedawg
If you’re interested in hosting, like Andrew, check out our hosting page for more info.